What Happens When You Start To Change?
Updated: Oct 13, 2019
We have all heard this at some point in one context or another. Occasionally, it's a positive statement, but all too often the infamous 'you've changed' is meant to be derogatory. It's all too often used to shame.
Before I get into the thick of things, if you have been 'you've changed' ("YC'd"), and nobody has said it to you yet, thank God! Seriously, thank God that you've changed. Changing is your most basic mission and birth right as a human being. If you've changed, congratulations!
So you've changed. You didn't like what you saw in the mirror, so you started telling your friends you didn't want to go out for drinks every night. You decided you wanted to hit the gym early in the morning. They called you boring. You didn't like your major in school. You wanted to start your own business, so you dropped out of school to get it done. Your parents called you irresponsible. It seems like every time you make a decision for you, everyone who 'loves' you turns against you.
Everywhere you turn, you're getting YC'd. As painful as this is, this is step one to doing anything worth doing. If you don't like your life, you're more than likely surrounded by like minded people. The people you're spending your time with probably similarly don't like their lives, or at least don't have the vision you now have after picturing your new future. So when they YC you, it's an extension of insecurity.
You deciding to do something about your inadequacies is a direct and imminent threat to your complacent friends and family. You taking responsibility for your life, and taking risks they were too scared to take exposes them for what they are - afraid. And that pisses people off. They lash out. They do anything they can to discourage you back to their level. If you give up, they can say they were right about dreaming too big. If you succeed, they have to live with themselves. That terrifies people.
There's a misconception that change not well responded to is unusual. We expect that the people who love us will celebrate our change. When they don't, we think our cards are stacked unusually against us, as if nobody else has been YC'd by their friends and family.
The reality is, being YC'd is the first and most obvious step in becoming a better version of yourself. So my friend, if you've been getting YC'd lately, I am here to tell you that I am so proud of you. I feel your pain. There's something much more beautiful than acceptance on the other side of this change. Keep pressing in, and don't let a damn person, no matter how much they 'love' you, tell you you're being unrealistic.
Keep changing. You were born for it. If you like who you're becoming, and they don't, get them out.